Thursday, April 24, 2008

What's On My Mind Tonight

Well, actually, very little is on my mind, but that's hardly earth-shaking news, now is it?

Why doesn't someone make a room spray that smells like onions frying in butter? Is there anything on earth that smells better? (I made a hamburger with lots of fried onions for dinner.) I keep seeing all these room sprays that smell like daffodils and clean linen and sunlight on your underwear and God knows what all - which they don't actually smell like, by the way - they smell like room spray. But think of the possibilities with a room spray that smelled like onions and butter! You could come racing in from work, spray the kitchen hastily, and then sit down at your leisure to have a drink and a cigarette and look at the mail, and when your family wanders in looking for dinner, you smile sweetly and tell them it's in the oven. I mean, are they actually going to check to see that the oven's on? Of course, you then have to get up in one fast hurry and actually cook dinner, but you've probably had a good twenty minutes to organize yourself there.

I see in News of the Weird that the guy who sold the guns to the Virginia Tech madman is now selling guns at cost to "prevent further tragedies." Eh? His notion, evidently, is that if everyone is armed, people will think twice about shooting each other. Has he never heard of wars? You know, where everybody has a gun and everybody shoots each other? Good God.

Meanwhile, I'm no longer speaking to my temp agency guy, with whom I was so in love a couple of days ago...this is because my week long job (and my sightings of Saint Tiger Lily!) ended after two days. If you are counting, this means one day of work last week and two days of work this week. While this has been a lovely opportunity to avail myself of the gorgeous weather and go trotting about here and there, I would much rather condense my trotting about into the weekend, and have some money to finance it. Growl.

Today's trotting took me to a place where I have to be very careful. I went to Broadway Panhandler, and if I'm not careful I wander around drooling and emitting little moans of desire at everything I see...this makes the employees nervous. I don't know why...I wouldn't be bothered by a slavering, moaning person pawing at my pots and pans and going, "Ooooh...mmmm....aaah...." all over the place. I'd just calmly and quietly follow her around the store with a handy butterfly net. But, oh my God...the knives! The cookware! The gadgets! The...the everything of it all! Slurp. Moan. Deep hot desire...

Speaking of deep hot desire, one of my cats just tongue kissed me right on the mouth (I kept it firmly closed, I may add). Now I know I've been rabbiting on about my lack of a sex life, but really...this is a perfect example of the old proverb or whatever it is - be careful what you ask for, you may get it. Now when I think, gee, I'd love somebody to kiss, I will make it EXTREMELY clear precisely what species I have in mind.

Love, Wendy

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