No, no - I was NOT talking to my body. I assure you it doesn't need any help in that direction.
I'm talking about the fact that yesterday I went uptown, went to my bank, obtained a cashier's check for a truly frightening amount of money, and went to the offices of the Screen Actors Guild - AND GOT MY MEMBERSHIP BACK! To those of you not in the business, this means that I can (presuming someone hires me to do so) go out and do background work in motion pictures and TV and get paid $130 a day. Not to mention free food, time and a half for overtime, etc., etc., etc. Yahoo!
Other than that truly terrific thing, I have done not much of anything. I called the nice people at the temp agency Saint Tiger Lily put me on to, and found out that I can actually sit right here at my own computer and take their typing and computer and whatever test...which I think is an EXCELLENT idea. Taking an employment test in my bathrobe with no makeup on strikes me as an extremely civilized way of going about things. Of course I could, I suppose, just go to an agency office in my bathrobe with no makeup on and do it, but somehow I don't think this is quite the thing, do you? "Yes, she's really absolutely marvelous for the job and you'll be very pleased with her. Now, you'll have to be prepared for the fact that she walks around in a ratty bathrobe, bedroom slippers covered in cat hair, and untweezed eyebrows, but other than that..." I don't think so.
Of course, the best part of this is that I can sit at my computer with a fully prepared cheat sheet next to me with cues to all the things I invariably forget how to do whenever the word "test" looms up. The recent employment tests I've taken have made me so traumatized that this is a HUGE plus. So I will spend the weekend taking all these nice typing tests that one finds on Google and making my cheat sheet, and test on Monday morning - after yoga and a nice shower, breakfast and the papers - feeling fresh, clean, stretched, full of food and well informed. What the hell. I think I'll even wash the bathrobe.
I have been shopping. Having achieved the microwave, I got carried away after I left the SAG offices and went over to the Conway on 34th and 7th in my never-ending hunt for the morning deli walk schmatta - I know I bought one, but Sarah was right - it really was too bathroby and anyway too big. Somehow I felt Conway could help - and by God, there it was. It's intended to be an actual dress, but it's heavy lined cotton (of course washable), falls straight from the neck, and hides my entire body, which is exactly what I want. Admittedly it's got these crappy plastic beads around the neck, but after all - all I want it to do is look reasonably polite to run 200 yards to the deli in the morning. I hadn't planned to wear it to any Oscar parties. I keep saying it - there are actually two of them because they were 8.99, and it seemed reasonable to have one in the wash and one on the body - one in a black and yellow print and one in a red and white print. Now I'm happy.
And today I popped over to Kmart because I was looking for some loosish light summer pants for neighborhood errand running - jeans get heavy in 90 degrees. Also I wanted more T-shirts. Kmart was a dead loss on both those items (the pants were all Capris, which I hate, and the T-shirts either had stuff on them - flowers and junk - or were in weird off colors), but I did manage to get a new hand mixer (ours died one Thanksgiving and it really is easier than using a whisk for the whipped cream for the pumpkin pie). But I found the canvas slipon shoes I like in summer for 5.99 a pair and bought three pair - beige, black and white. (I'm still not into sandals because I had a horribly severe toenail fungus a year ago and they're still growing out. One can only hope nobody was eating while reading that bit of TMI.) Then I went over to RiteAid for cigarettes and got myself some of that body sugar stuff - I've been really horrendous about using my body butter and I've now got the worst alligator skin you've ever seen (please God, nobody whom I might ever want to see me in the nude is reading this). I'm a little nervous about it because all those things look like they'd scratch the hell of me, but I'll slavishly follow instructions and give it a try. I mean, I WILL get a date some day. Won't I? WON'T I?
I am going to spend the weekend cleaning. Yes, well...at least I'm going to TRY and spend the weekend cleaning. With all this neat new stuff in my life - SAG card, body sugar, possible new temp agency - I really should quit lolling about and get my life organized. And I've had a sign from God that I should get the ironing done on Saturday night (unless someone ASKS ME OUT), which is that Princess Bride is on Channel 13. This is a perfect ironing movie because since I know it by heart, I don't actually have to keep my eyes on the screen all the time (except for stuff like the shrieking eels and that wonderful swordfight).
Rereading the above, I really think I should also make an effort to find myself a nice man, because I'm beginning to sound just a little desperate...