Thursday, June 21, 2012

Boardwalk - With Oceans of Sweat

Well, let's see.  The week after my last post, I didn't post for the eminently sensible reason that I did nothing that would interest anybody except to get hoist with my own petard.

As loyal readers may know...and one sincerely hopes that you are all deeply, truly loyal...you are, AREN'T you?...I have a baby trust fund that can only be accessed by going through my trustee, and then only if I describe in detail exactly what it is I want and exactly what it costs and exactly why I need it.  This is precisely as friggin' annoying as you think it is.

So, during that blank and dull week in there, I decided that I needed a thousand bucks.  I actually did need stuff, in fact, but it was stuff that I'd already lied about needing and spent the money on something else, so I had to invent something new to need money for, and I hit upon the idea of needing new glasses (since I wear specially made trifocals which cost $500 a pair, this is reasonable), and to pay off the last of a HUGE Con Ed bill (also true...it was originally $3000 and change, and I've paid it off up to the last $500, but it's still a drain to pay an extra $165 a month).

Anyway, I got the money, and bought myself a lovely new sewing machine and various bits and pieces for it, and then I did this, that and the other thing, and I was down to about 350 bucks...at which point, karma turned around and bit me in the ass.  I woke up one morning and picked up my glasses and they promptly fell apart.

Well, since I can't see shit without them, this was a bit of a problem.  (See above, $300 in the bank and $500 for new glasses.)  So off I went and had to get TWO new pairs of glasses...one which I'm wearing now, for distance only (because otherwise I have no idea where I am because I can't read street signs without glasses) and an actual pair of trifocals, which I am paying off and which won't be ready for another week.  I am here to tell you, that karma is a real bitch.

After that, it became Sunday somehow (last Sunday), and I bounced off to see Sarah doing her new karaoke hostess gig, which is walking distance from me.

I am truly amazed at what comes over people when karaoke is on the menu.  I had never been to it, so I was completely unprepared for the fact that so many people are under the impression that they can sing.  And, for that matter, read.  Good LORD.  And yes, I'm absolutely going to try it.  I had a song in mind, but I looked it up on line, and ther's no way I can do it...so I'm going to go with the easiest song in the world...Janis Joplin's Mercedes Benz.  I do a VERY good Janis Joplin.  But frankly, I assure you I couldn't be worse then what's out there...including a group of six who not only couldn't stay on key, but couldn't follow the onscreen words and dissolved into giggles...except, unfortunately, for one gent in the group who could...and he was the one who couldn't sing to save his ass.  But he did it very loudly in the key of what I think was Q.

And then the sun came out, and birds sang, and I got a text from Grant Wilfley asking me to do Boardwalk yesterday!  Oh, glory!  Oh, beloved Boardwalk!  Oh...my GOD.

In case you are living in, say, Juneau or perhaps Nome, you will be aware that we're having' a heat wave, a tropical heat wave (sorry...old musical comedy gals tend to burst into song).  So, naturally, we were shooting winter.  Of COURSE.

Picture us, dear reader, in what was for me a gloriously convenient location...ten minutes by bus from my house and a beautifully late call time...8 am.  Now picture us outdoors in that nice location for eight hours, wearing four layers of winter clothing in an actual temperature of 98 and a heat index of 110 degrees.  Now picture us melting.

It was BRUTAL.  God bless HBO, they got us into air conditioning for ten minutes every hour, but it really didn't help a whole lot.  And there was tons of ice water and ice cold Gatorade.  But, oh, my Lord. 

The best part of it was the onlookers.  Every time we'd go by them, someone was sure to say, "Gee, aren't you hot?"  No, no, don't be silly.  I ALWAYS  wear a heavy coat and a large felt hat in 98 degree weather.  Aren't you chilly in that tiny little sundress THAT I AM GOING TO SNATCH OFF YOUR BODY AND PUT ON BECAUSE I'M FUCKING DYING HERE?

Oy.  However, HBO and the union will make sure we get a weather bump (i.e., more money for adverse conditions), and we all survived and no one passed out...and I discovered on my way home that there's a deli around the corner on Avenue D that sells 22 ounce Budweisers for $2 each...clearly this is a valuable thing to know.

And today at the law firm, Andrew was out the better part of the day and I actually got things DONE.  Clearly, my star is ascending.  And I've finally stopped sweating.  When I got home yesterday, my damn UNDERWEAR was soaking wet.

Love, Wendy

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