Well, the good news is that Joshua says he's moving in two weeks. The bad news is that I don't think I'm going to be able to keep myself from having him committed before the two weeks is up.
He wants me to type this humongous list of his goddamn books for him, which I'm perfectly willing to do (anything to move him and the fool books along quickly), but it turns out that his computer has no word processing program on it. So I figured I'd download the free trial of whatever the Mac WP program is, right? I mean, after learning to run everything from the first word processor (the Lexitron, if you're interested) back in the '70s to the present day, I've managed to figure them all out. But of course, in order to download, I need his computer password. He doesn't have any idea what his password is.
Now, I know that he's computer-illiterate, but this is unbelievable. Even better than that, he wants me to type this whole long list out and then NOT SAVE IT...in case someone gets into his computer. Anyone who would like to explain to me why on earth anyone would WANT a long list of books is welcome to try.
Well, I informed him that in order to email the list to a client (which is what he wants to do with it), it HAS to be saved, and I managed to get him convinced of that. But then we ran into another problem.
It seems that welfare owes Joshua another lump of money - well, anyway, they're giving him a whole other lump of money. The "owes him" part is a little unclear to me, but I've given up trying to make my personal ethics coincide with Joshua and his damn welfare (oh, I'm sorry - DISABILITY). So he thought the government might have put it in his bank account. I tried to explain to him that if he hadn't set up direct deposit, they couldn't do that, and in any case they would have notified him, but he was having none of that. He had to walk the eight or ten blocks to his bank to find out if the money was in the account.
You ask why on earth he couldn't check his account online or at an ATM? Well, it seems that even though he has a bank account and a perfectly good ATM card, he won't use the card. He won't use the card because - wait for it - he "doesn't want the Chechens using his bank account." Yes. According to my cousin, Slavic separatists (or whatever the hell the Chechens are) are just lying in wait for everybody who uses an ATM, and he doesn't want them to know his bank account number. And God forbid he should ever put his bank account number online for any reason, because they'd get him.
This gets even weirder, because a couple of weeks ago he ordered something online and used his damn ATM card to do it! And no matter how much I try to explain to him that he is now in receipt of monthly Government funds, and anybody who wants his personal information can get it extremely easily, he still insists that by walking ten blocks to find out what his bank balance is, he's protecting himself - from what, I don't know. But I'm pretty sure it's little green men.